What am I here to do?

Take a look at this

Powerful, isn’t it? It is just one of several powerful things I have watched or read or listened to or thought about….. I’ve read Shane Claiborne’s “Irresistible Revolution” and Jeff Goin’s “Wrecked” and “Banker to the poor” by Muhammad Yunus. I’ve read the accounts of people who work in orphanages in deepest, darkest Africa and the stories of those who have made short trips with organisations like Compassion International. I’ve longingly read about the work of groups like Heifer and Soil For Life, changing lives, saving lives by teaching people to grow food or care for animals. I’ve been inspired by blog posts like this one: 7 ideas for a Stay at Home Summer Mission Trip.

Food Gardens

All left me feeling “Yes! I want to do more! Make a difference! Make my life count!” As a Christ-follower, I especially seek to make this difference in a way that brings God glory. I want to work for Him. I admire anyone who desires to and works towards making this world a better place. I honour and respect all humanitarian efforts. But my personal driving force are the words and works of Jesus and His commands to love and defend the poor, helpless, defenseless, sick, the orphan and the widow.

Knit A Square

So Eric’s video above challenged me, again. And it also frustrated me. I’ve felt like this for a very long time. This drive to get out there and work – to care for people, to clothe them, feed them, give them shelter and uplift them – spiritually (by sharing with them the God who has not deserted them and loves them and in Whose name I’d be there serving) and physically by meeting practical need and teaching skills, equipping lives to be better lived.

I’ve prayed “Lord, use me. Show me where. Show me how. Send me.”. I’ve dreamed, out loud and silently. I’ve lain awake at night in deep and sincere thought about the multitude of things I could do.

But nothing. No answers. I have NO idea what to do. Where to go. And so I vacillate between longing and inspiration and frustrated indifference, the desire to go and do becomes a resolution to stay and be.

I’ve dabbled in various things: participated in short-term missions, worked with charities, raised and donated money, raised awareness to try inspire others to give and serve. For several years we bought/made blankets (as a family) and distributed them among needy and deserving people every winter. We’ve worked at soup kitchens. We’ve worked at an orphanage. We’ve fed hungry people who come to our gate.

But none of these activities have led to a lasting involvement. Or a life calling. Or a mission. ¬†And I’m just left wondering: is this it? Is it enough?

I’m quick to draw comfort from Mother Theresa who said “We can do no great things. Only small things with great love”. Great love I have! Small things I’ve done, and do. But is it enough?

I have no answer. I’m just putting my thoughts down here.


Orphan Care